MISSED OPPORTUNITIES

AT FIRST, I WASN'T EVEN SURE IF I SHOULD BLOG ABOUT HIM, BUT I CAN'T IGNORE IT. SERIOUSLY, I'VE PRETTY MUCH SEEN EVERY PICTURE AND VIDEO / HEARD EVERY SONG BY MICHAEL JACKSON IN THE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS, WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO SEARCH FOR ANY OF IT. WELL, OKAY SO I DID A GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH ONCE, WHATEVER. I ALSO WENT TO SEE HOW MUCH THRILLER WAS GOING FOR ON VINYL ON EBAY, SINCE I WAS THINKING EARLIER THIS MONTH HOW I NEEDED THE ALBUM, BUT OF COURSE I NEVER DID A SEARCH. NOW EVERY ASSHOLE IS ON EBAY BIDDING FOR THEM AND I'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO WAIT A LIFETIME BEFORE GETTING MY (CHEAP) HANDS ON IT. IF ONLY I COULD GO BACK IN TIME, I COULD GET IT WAY CHEAPER, PROBABLY.
MISSED OPPORTUNITIES: THE STORY OF MY LIFE. BACK IN MARCH I WENT TO NEW YORK CITY FOR LIKE, A FEW DAYS AND OF COURSE JANE FONDA WAS ON BROADWAY FOR SOME PLAY CALLED 33 VARIATIONS OR SOMETHING (33 VARIATIONS OF WORKOUTS?). DUE TO BEING CHEAP AND A LACK OF TIME, I DID NOT ATTEND THE SHOW. OF COURSE I REGRETTED THAT AFTER I LEFT, AND LATER I WAS INFORMED THAT DOLLY PARTON WENT TO SEE HER SHOW THE DAY AFTER LEFT. FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW.

PS. NOTICE THE AMOUNT OF SEQUINED GARMENTS IN HIS DRESSING ROOM IN THIS PEPSI COMMERCIAL. I'M SO JEALOUS.

I'M IN DIRE NEED OF A SLUSHIE

OK EVERYBODY I'M SUPER PISSED RIGHT NOW. I WENT TO THE CEFCO NEAR MY HOUSE TO BUY SOME DORITOS AND A SLUSHIE AND TO MY HORROR THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE A SLUSHIE MACHINE AND HALF THE SODAS IN THEIR MACHINE THING WERE OUT. THANKFULLY THEY HAVE THE DORITOS THOUGH, SO MY EVENING PIGGING OUT ON DORITOS AND WATCHING BEVERLY HILLS 90210 ISN'T A COMPLETE BUST. I THINK I MIGHT EAT SOME LEFTOVER BIRTHDAY CAKE FROM LAST WEEKEND, SINCE IT WAS LIKE, MY BITHDAY AND ALL. AFTER ALL THE EATING I DID THIS PAST WEEKEND AND ALL THE EATING I PLAN ON DOING TONIGHT, I MAY HAVE TO GET OUT ELIZABETH TAYLOR'S WEIGHT LOSS BOOK MY BFF GAVE ME:

IS SHE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING BY GIVING ME A BOOK ON WEIGHT LOSS AND SELF-ESTEEM FOR MY BIRTHDAY? WHATEVER, I HAVE NO TIME TO PURGE RIGHT NOW. I SERIOUSLY NEED A SLUSHIE.

COLOR ME BEAUTIFUL

YESTERDAY I HIT THE JACK POT BY FINDING COLOR ME BEAUTIFUL, ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS I'VE READ IN MY LIFE. I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS LIKE, A MONTH OR TWO AGO AND I REALLY WANTED TO KNOW WHICH SEASON I FIT INTO (OK, SO I PROBABLY COULD HAVE GOOGLED IT, BUT SCREW THAT). THANKS TO COLOR ME BEAUTIFUL, I WILL NO LONGER MAKE THE MISTAKE OF GOING OUT IN PUBLIC WITH THE WRONG COLOR ROUGE THAT CAN MAKE ME LOOK SUPER DRAB.


NOW THAT I KNOW FOR SURE THAT I'M A SUMMER, I CAN TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND MY TRUE COLOR PALETTE. WHEN YOU SEE ME WALKING DOWN THE STREET, YOU'LL NOTICE COOL, SOFT COLORS WITH BLUE UNDERTONES THAT MAKE ME LOOK RADIANT. YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME IN ORANGE, GROSS! THANKS, COLOR ME BEAUTIFUL. ONCE I WAS LOST, BUT NOW THAT I'VE FOUND YOU I FEEL AS IF I HAVE AN IDENTITY OR WHATEVER, A PLACE ON THIS EARTH.

COME ON IN JESUS.

THIS IS THE KIND OF WOMAN I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW OLD. WELL, IF I GROW OLD. I DON'T REALLY PLAN ON LIVING PAST 40 SO I GUESS IT DOESN'T MATTER. I'M OBSESSED, REGARDLESS.








JAN CROUCH, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, LET'S DO LUNCH SOMETIME. I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS AND I'D REALLY LOVE IT IF YOU WOULD SHARE ALL YOUR BEAUTY TIPS WITH ME.

BEACH GOTH

OK LIKE THE NEXT TIME I GO TO A BEACH I SO KNOW THE LOOK IM GOING FOR.









THANK YOU GOTHS IN HOT WEATHER FOR BRINGING JOY TO MY LIFE AND THANK YOU MICHELLE FOR INTRODUCING ME TO THIS JOY.

WHITE LIGHT / WHITE HEAT

ONLY BECAUSE I'M OBSESSED WITH MYSELF:

BLOND HUNKS

HUNX DEBUTED HIS NEW VIDEO FOR "TEARDROPS ON MY TELEPHONE" FOR HIS SOLO PROJECT, HUNX AND HIS PUNX. OF COURSE, YOU COULD PROBABLY GUESS WHAT I FREAKED OVER IN THE FIRST LIKE, 30 SECONDS OF THE MUSIC VIDEO.



THANKS TO ALL THE HUNKY BLOND GREASERS WHO PLAY LOVE INTERESTS IN MUSIC VIDEOS FOR FOREVER PERPETUATING MY DESIRES TO GO BLOND.

NO TIME TO BLOG

I'M ABOUT TO GO ON A QUEST TO BUY SEQUINS, HERE ARE PICTURES OF VARIOUS MINERALS FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT: