MISSED OPPORTUNITIES

AT FIRST, I WASN'T EVEN SURE IF I SHOULD BLOG ABOUT HIM, BUT I CAN'T IGNORE IT. SERIOUSLY, I'VE PRETTY MUCH SEEN EVERY PICTURE AND VIDEO / HEARD EVERY SONG BY MICHAEL JACKSON IN THE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS, WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO SEARCH FOR ANY OF IT. WELL, OKAY SO I DID A GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH ONCE, WHATEVER. I ALSO WENT TO SEE HOW MUCH THRILLER WAS GOING FOR ON VINYL ON EBAY, SINCE I WAS THINKING EARLIER THIS MONTH HOW I NEEDED THE ALBUM, BUT OF COURSE I NEVER DID A SEARCH. NOW EVERY ASSHOLE IS ON EBAY BIDDING FOR THEM AND I'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO WAIT A LIFETIME BEFORE GETTING MY (CHEAP) HANDS ON IT. IF ONLY I COULD GO BACK IN TIME, I COULD GET IT WAY CHEAPER, PROBABLY.
MISSED OPPORTUNITIES: THE STORY OF MY LIFE. BACK IN MARCH I WENT TO NEW YORK CITY FOR LIKE, A FEW DAYS AND OF COURSE JANE FONDA WAS ON BROADWAY FOR SOME PLAY CALLED 33 VARIATIONS OR SOMETHING (33 VARIATIONS OF WORKOUTS?). DUE TO BEING CHEAP AND A LACK OF TIME, I DID NOT ATTEND THE SHOW. OF COURSE I REGRETTED THAT AFTER I LEFT, AND LATER I WAS INFORMED THAT DOLLY PARTON WENT TO SEE HER SHOW THE DAY AFTER LEFT. FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW.

PS. NOTICE THE AMOUNT OF SEQUINED GARMENTS IN HIS DRESSING ROOM IN THIS PEPSI COMMERCIAL. I'M SO JEALOUS.